Tuesday, November 3, 2009


Pulling myself back from you carefully
Its not worth it anymore
Emotions strong as always cant loose control
Making my own decisions I have to take hold to what I have been taught
History, my greatest teacher and yet knowing what I know I sit here and still struggle with the decision.
To tell you no
To let you go

Never perceiving myself in this situation I pass judgment on myself
My biggest critic
I cant believe I am willing to do this again.
Jump right in

Seeing the unforgiving eyes and disappointed stares around me I am overwhelmed with the fight for my sanity
My naivety gets the best of me sometimes. My longing to be invincible my curiosity changes my course of movement putting me dangerously in love with you.

But where are you to me?

You are my ultimate oxymoron my "more of "
Connection chemistry my fantasy and reality.

Yet all is based in perception of what I think you to be. Your potential to be.

So where do I draw the line of assumption of growth and who you really are.
How do you distinguish between your love and your hate

Your fight makes me weary and longing for a simpler time
Your relief makes me whimsical soaring in an euphoric abyss
My choices still double edged

So making the decision is easier said than done.
I have chose to walk away


You wait for this moment it seems for most of your life
Eagerly encouraging always nourishing
For this moment, this precious moment
The anticipation that builds during the split seconds before
The overwhelming joy for what's in store
All for this moment, this precious moment

And then it's here...

Causing the little breath in your body to be attacked violently by your soul
As it desperately grasps to gain some sort of hold
Its wonderful...
And it catapults emotions and it breaks down walls
Releasing feelings that have been held captive
No longer, and now made adaptive

Then over...

Leaving an impression that can not be matched by any other moment in your life.
Making it a permanently attached 
Representation of your dreams, goals and desires
During a certain time, that you did acquire.
For time passes and life goes with it
Always moving changing never remaining.
And the moments become memories.
And the anticipation, excitement and passion become experiences
Experiences that can be applied to future moments for more memories
All for the pure joy of the moment.

Filler man

Sometimes I feel like that girl your mom warned you about.
The one you hate and love at the same time
The girl next door caught up in the excitement of the world
So although she carries herself like an icon, reality is shes just a girl
She reflects what you want to see
What you think you need
And although that may be fine with you
I couldnt put you in that position
For either one of us to fall in love
And alter our destination
Lets be honest Im not what you think I am
Im not what you need
Im just what you see
Im just what you want to be
 The reason why I know this is because you are the same for me
Someone for the moment....Temporary.... A filler man!

New Blessings

Often times we reminisce of the past
Longing for it
Strong urges pulsate through your mind as if your heart resided there instead
When reality is
Reality is more times than often the past is the past for a reason
You see I believe the truth is that although you never want to forget the past, cause if nothing else it was a learning experience,
It is these same memories that sometimes hold you captive
While going through a relationship you surround yourself with a wall of smiles, good times and memories and feelings that you believe no one else can make you feel
So when its over
When its over there is the rubble of memories that seem like no one else can ever rebuild
The common mistake however
The mistake that's commonly made is that we often chain ourselves to these bricks so that when they crumble, we collapse with them
Giving them the authority to yank our heart right from us
We must learn that we are the masters of our emotions and rule them with the knowledge that we have gained in the past
I completely understand
I understand completely that this is all easier said than done BUT
If you evaluate that day when you meet and find the person you will spend the rest of your life with
You will realize that this blessing
The blessing you will receive is far greater than the one you want to hold onto
And the bricks that you sit amongst will be reassigned and a new wall will be built in a new fashion that will withstand everything.

General Blocks

It's funny how perception builds these frames
How experiences shape and form these ideals that become bricks
These bricks are then used to build walls and walls…
Well they serve as border control
Why is it that we often time let our experiences take complete control over the paths we choose
And with this relinquished power, why is it that we continue to make the same repetitive mistakes.
And with this relinquished power, why is it that we continue to make the same repetitive mistakes.
I often times wonder how is it that we can preach to generations the same exact lessons
Y don't they learn from the past
Y don't we learn from the past
As the saying goes there is nothing new under the sun, well if this is the case, why do we continue to stumble over the same blocks
Again and again I try to understand what is it that drives us to want to experience things on our own, and why can't we listen to what we are told
Or better yet, what we know
What causes a child to touch a hot stove?
Is it human hope that causes us to continue to wish for more or a change?
Or is it what we perceive as change that causes us to revolt
Then the question can be proposed is change really change or do we just perceive hidden thoughts
Regardless of the fact that our predecessors have often time fought
This very revelation that we have just accepted was rejected and blocked
Those walls
Their doing their job
U see, because if they weren't then we wouldn't be fighting now
There would be no inner struggle no trouble or tears among rubble
We would realize and open our third eye to the lessons of the past
So I say, cast your sorrows and rejoice in tomorrow
Who cares if it's not promised
The fact that u stand here able to perceive it
Is enough to believe in it
Cause im firing my wall security
Call the wrecking company and tell them to hurry
I have walls that have been holding me back for too long
Im ready to tear down every brick and stand here defense less and vulnerable to new experiences
Letting go of past shackles and chains that are the remains
They shall not remain
I won't let fear of repetition replete me no more
Don't let your ideals block u from new experiences and don't let your new experiences become bricks in ur walls
Im placing a call
to all those who are willing
to stand on lessons that wont fall and on experiences that are just
not that general at all


How do you learn not to compare the past and future?
At what point do you completely let go of memories and emotions and feelings
And leave all expectations at the door of your new love
Is it possible better yet is it wrong to expect to feel the same emotions of a past relationship in a new one
Connections that were once made relations that were had, intimacy that was felt…
How is it possible to feel such chemistry on so many levels with one and not with the other?
And with that being said does that make him the wrong one because he didn't fulfill the shoes that were left at the door
And as relationships past where do you hide all the shoes left?
Or does everyone leave a pair
I would say after careful evaluation that they don't
But even dealing with those that do some leave more than two
If we build our desires out of our fantasies with a mix of reality at what point do you really see
Is it a constant bias that is permanently imprinted on your heart traipsed across your chest and left in your mind?
Some say love is instant
A combustible overwhelming feeling noted the first time you saw that person
The first time you met
The first time your lips kissed
Still others relate that love is not to be taken lightly and can only be known through time
You two learn to love, you grow to feel an emotion that can not be converted to words
It just exists
Well if you poetically reverse these verses and you will find that I still care for you
More than you ever knew
And if I could I would erase even the very thought of you
So that there is no history or even a memory
No you and me
And we would never have to be
Where we are now
Go back and undo all the actions and redo all the reactions that happen
And stop you from taking that first step
I would be firmer in my answers and oblige my instincts
So that instinctively you would retreat
And who knows what would have happen then
Maybe we would've still become friends
Maybe we would be happy there
Maybe I wouldn't even be writing this poem…
Or maybe it just wouldn't be about your shoes but someone new


So as I let the rain pour from my heart, I slowly realize that it no longer represents a storm
And as I find refuge in this unique property of life I see the beauty in it all
Washing away all my fears all my faults all my failures
And no matter what, I can't escape it, no ceasing the falls from heaven until it is ready to just stop
I love the rain
Its multi dimensional, meaningful, and functional habits fascinate me
Perception arouses all five of my senses and alleviates the sorrows of the world
It is a release
In each drop I see a life form
In each drop a whole world of possibilities as if trapped behind a glass universe waiting for me
As it connects, each drop of refreshing spirit renews my soul and leaves a finger print exclusive to that Sole part of me
And collectively
Collectively the drops come together to prepare a beautiful recital something like a symphony,
As they glide across surfaces, gracefully leaping across skies to present a one of a kind performance never to be seen
There is something romantic bout it
Something calming and peaceful that plays a repetitive chant soothing all woes
It plays the soundtrack to my life
Its pure melodic tones play an array of notes ranging from a to c minor
And each time
Each time a different composition
A new song to tantalize my ears with an invigorating sound that rings throughout the empty space
Nurturing the seeds of realities, hope and promises
Birthing forth flowers of growth
Creating bouquets of change and new life
Nourishment for my soul

Super Heroine

They say true art is inspired by great tragedy
And well, here is my art inspired by you
And tragedy not in the traditional sense, but more like in the weaker sense
Kryptonite to my super powers you make my vision foggy
Slithered past my security, captivating my mind you manipulated my thoughts and changed my point of view
Distracting me with bombs of lies you snuck in from the side and stole my heart leaving an imitation that only beats with you
You believed in them too
So tell me what is a super hero suppose to do, what super move will release this hold from you
This voodoo that alters my senses making me illogical, and unrecognizable to even you
You see this is my tragedy my addiction to you.


So we said our goodbyes some time ago now
And even though I have my feet dangling back in the shallow end of the dating pool,
I still find my thoughts on you
I find my attention robbed of present company and wrapped and presented to you in a daydream.
As a gift to you.
Call it devotion, love or obsession…funny thing is that when I am touched by another, I want it to be you.
I want to command them to stop. Feeling a lack of possession it's as if I have release ownership of me to you.
These are your lips, your hips your thighs.
And there are parts of me reserved only for your eyes.
I missed you since the last breath I took with you
Call me an addict I get high off the very scent of you
Something like a student of your ways I know how you move
I translate your thoughts and can recite the very essence of you.
I dreamed of you last night, and you were so real that I could hear your heart beat, feel your breathe against my neck, see your chest rise and collapse.
When you're away I have visions of your kiss,
Have cravings for your lips
Desires that pulsate through my veins
Urges that scream your name
I wish I could have it... Capture it
Keep it with me always
I would wear it around my neck to have access to it always.
...........To Be Cont'd............


The number of new beginnings.
For the past couple of years, I have not committed myself wholly.
Therefore I apologize.
I abandonded you once---
Thinking that I didn't need you,
You weren't as of a necessity as air.
Not realizing the power you hold over me,
The vacancy you left in me.
I abandonded you once believing you were
attached to too many memories
A reflection of a moment, an era of my life,
Not seeing the influence you had on me
The relief you provided for me.

I abandonded you once, And thought
I was just fine. For a while.
I masked it all with my smile,
Mastered it all with my style,
Or at least pretended to.
Having everything under control
When in reality having NO hold. . .
Fools gold . . .
So for that I apologize.
Plan to revize. Start again;
EIGHT--- The number of new beginnings. 

Sunday, November 1, 2009


Your asking me to trust again
Your asking me to leave all I have ever known and jump
Head first feet last into a cloud of the abyss
Your asking me to relinquish all my hesitations and inhibitions and let go
Surrender my comfort and relax in the idea of the unfamiliar
Let down my guard and move toward progression and rehabilitation of an organ I formally knew as my heart
Restore my faith in relationships and people and become reborn in the innocence I once knew
You once withdrew from me
And not negatively, but ideally,
Theoretically you created a world that I was comfortable to live in.
Preferably to exists in
And I considered the possibilities you offered
And although my heart said yes my mind said no
We weren't ready
We still had more growing to do
So as you walk away from the concept of us
I understand why but I don’t see how
And my thoughts on me doing the same aren't parallel with your now
My heart refuses to go into remission
Because as I sit here trying to release my hands from the edge I cant let go of these feelings
Theres not a net I can release in
So until then your trust will remain with me and mine with your vision